Where for art thou, hippity-hop?

This is another example of the drivel that percolates in my head: what happened to the hippity-hop and why haven't adults adopted it as a necessary apparatus for daily life?

Bear with me here. I, like so many of us, had a hippity-hop when I was a wee, hairless lad. Well, I had hair on my head, but the rest of my body, like most youngsters, was not yet sprouting. Now, due in some part to Mark's FB post about his rogue nose hair which is also unfortunately stuck in my head, I've turned rather hirsute. Sometimes in places where I never expected to grow hair, but that's probably more than you want to know, dear reader. Anyway, I digress -- back to the hippity-hop and how it can cure many the evils we face.

First, it provides fantastic exercise. I used to bounce all around the house, the yard, friends' houses and yards, and the occasional unexpected foray into the street due to an errant hippity. Think about having a company's employees all use the hippity-hop. We'd be getting constant exercise for many key muscle groups, working our core whilst laboring over the never-ending slew of e-mails, and we could design/decorate our hops to better reflect our personalities, or even status levels. Managers and executives could have large, more bouyant hops, thus indicating their status level in the organization (possibly with even two or more handles if they're making one of their employees attend yet another meeting on, say, Increasing Your Communication Skills by Not Talking to Anyone, Ever.) Us lower on the foodchain would look longingly at their hops and give us more motivation to work hard and move up the ladder.

Where I work there are a number of -- "ahem" -- petite-challenged folks who ride Rascals to and fro. We'd be doing them a favor if we required them to hippity during the business day, as opposed to zooming around in go-carts and frightening innocent insurance professionals as they zip around corners without the merest toot of a horn. On a side note, I'm convinced I'll meet my fate at the expense of one of these speed demons, and while it may be argued that it would be a fitting fate, it is also ironic as I do my best to stay in reasonable shape and prefer to use my own appendages for travel.

They'd also allow for a healthy level of competition amongst staff members. Who can hippity fastest? Highest? Who can get from building A to building C in the least amount of time and/or bounces. My team is particularly competitive, so it would be a matter of pride to excel in one or more areas of the art of hippity.

Finally, they would replace the need for desk chairs. Think of the bottom-line savings! The bean counters certainly would be in favor.

Seriously, think about this. I can't come up with a counter-argument to any of the above statements.

PS, I have to give props where props are due. My friend Chad from Boston first positioned the hippity-hop theory, and this was about 12 years ago, so the simple fact that I haven't been able to defeat the idea in over a decade proves that hipittying has merit. Like most brilliant minds of our generations, I've simply fleshed his idea out.

JD